In today’s culture, happiness is a commodity—measured, pursued, and often performed. Social media platforms glow with curated moments, self-help books promise “lasting happiness in 10 steps,” and workplaces incentivize positivity as a marker of success. But beneath this relentless pursuit lies a troubling paradox: the more we chase happiness, the further it seems to slip from our grasp. This isn’t just an individual dilemma; it’s a societal one, with profound implications for our mental health.
This isn’t just an individual dilemma; it’s a societal one, with profound implications for our mental health.
The cultural obsession with happiness has created a framework where unhappiness is seen as failure. We are conditioned to view negative emotions not as natural responses to life’s challenges but as defects to be fixed. The result? A growing disconnect between the complexity of human experience and the sanitized narrative of happiness we are fed.
The Happiness Industry: A Modern-Day Mirage
The $4.2 trillion wellness industry thrives on the promise of happiness. From mindfulness apps to positivity coaching, its offerings suggest that happiness is a purchasable product. But this commodification isn’t just misleading—it’s damaging. Psychologists like Dr. Brock Bastian argue that the overemphasis on happiness can lead to what he calls the “dark side of happiness,” where the pressure to be happy actually exacerbates feelings of inadequacy and despair (Bastian, The Other Side of Happiness, 2018).
The pressure to be happy actually exacerbates feelings of inadequacy and despair.
Social media amplifies this effect. Platforms like Instagram and TikTok are not just digital photo albums; they are stages for performative joy. Studies show that prolonged exposure to these curated realities can lead to increased anxiety and depression, particularly among young people (Twenge et al., 2017). In our race to keep up with this relentless positivity, we lose sight of the authenticity that sustains real emotional well-being.
The Hoax of Eternal Positivity
The modern culture of happiness perpetuates what philosopher Sara Ahmed calls “the happiness imperative”—the idea that we should organize our lives around the pursuit of happiness at all costs (The Promise of Happiness, 2010). This imperative leads to emotional bypassing, where we suppress difficult emotions like sadness, anger, or fear in favor of a facade of cheerfulness. Or we ascribe these feelings as part of a mental illness and diagnose ourselves and each other.
But emotional suppression is not a sustainable strategy. Research shows that avoiding negative emotions can lead to increased stress and even physical health problems over time (Gross & Levenson, 1997). A fulfilled life, it seems, is not about avoiding pain but integrating it into a broader narrative of meaning and resilience.
Fulfillment vs. Happiness: A Paradigm Shift
The pursuit of fulfillment offers an alternative to the relentless chase for happiness. Unlike happiness, which often hinges on fleeting pleasures, fulfillment stems from living a life aligned with values, purpose, and personal growth—even when it’s difficult.
The pursuit of fulfillment offers an alternative to the relentless chase for happiness.
Fulfillment acknowledges that challenges, setbacks, and even suffering are essential to a meaningful life. Consider the satisfaction that comes from mastering a skill, building a meaningful career, or raising children. These endeavors are often marked by struggle, sacrifice, and uncertainty, but the resulting sense of accomplishment can provide deeper, more lasting satisfaction than momentary happiness ever could. As author David Brooks puts it, “Happiness comes from accomplishments; fulfillment comes from the suffering that accompanies them” (The Second Mountain, 2019).
In this way, fulfillment doesn’t shy away from the harder truths of life. It embraces them. This perspective allows us to find meaning in adversity and growth in discomfort—a shift that can significantly enhance mental well-being.
Hubris and the Mental Health Crisis
There is a certain arrogance in assuming that happiness is the ultimate goal of human existence, and that it is based solely on effort and intention. This hubris ignores the rich tapestry of human emotions, from grief to anger to contentment, each of which serves a vital role in our lives. Brené Brown, in her research on vulnerability, reminds us that “you can’t selectively numb emotion. When we numb the dark, we numb the light” (The Gifts of Imperfection, 2010).
By idolizing happiness, we inadvertently stigmatize the very emotions that foster growth and connection. In workplaces, for example, the emphasis on positivity can create toxic cultures where employees feel unable to voice their struggles for fear of being labeled as “negative.” This silence can have serious consequences for mental health, contributing to burnout, anxiety, and depression. Conversely, there is a common narrative that if I don’t feel 100% competent or inspired at work, I have <insert mental health condition here>.
Environments that encourage fulfillment allow for complexity. They make room for vulnerability, empathy, and the kind of collaboration that leads to meaningful outcomes.
Reclaiming Emotional Authenticity
To address the mental health crisis fueled by the happiness obsession, we must shift our cultural narrative. Happiness should not be a destination but a byproduct of living a meaningful and authentic life. This means embracing the full spectrum of human emotion and creating spaces—whether in our homes, workplaces, or communities—where vulnerability is not only accepted but celebrated.
Fulfillment is not always comfortable, and that’s its beauty.
Fulfillment is not always comfortable, and that’s its beauty. It allows us to see pain not as an obstacle but as a teacher. Psychiatrist Viktor Frankl, who survived the horrors of Auschwitz, famously argued that the search for meaning, not happiness, is the primary motivator of human life (Man’s Search for Meaning, 1946). Modern psychology supports this idea, with research showing that individuals who focus on purpose and connection rather than happiness report greater life satisfaction (Ryff & Singer, 1998).
Moving Beyond the Hoax
The path forward is not about rejecting happiness but redefining it. We must challenge the cultural scripts that equate happiness with perfection and begin to value authenticity over appearance. Fulfillment often requires embracing struggle, finding meaning in failure, and cultivating resilience through adversity.
As we reflect on the hoax and hubris of happiness, let us remember that life’s most meaningful moments are often bittersweet. Fulfillment offers a richer narrative—one where we are not merely chasing fleeting joy but building lives of purpose and depth. True happiness, if it exists at all, is not a performance but a practice—a messy, complex, and profoundly human one.
How might you use this perspective to set intentions for the new year?
What mindset shift would be helpful to you? What do you need to make it happen?
As a self-reflection, recall your own different experiences of happiness versus fulfillment.
References
- Ahmed, S. (2010). The Promise of Happiness. Duke University Press.
- Bastian, B. (2018). The Other Side of Happiness: Embracing a More Fearless Approach to Living. Penguin Life.
- Brooks, D. (2019). The Second Mountain: The Quest for a Moral Life. Random House.
- Brown, B. (2010). The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are. Hazelden.
- Frankl, V. E. (1946). Man’s Search for Meaning. Beacon Press.
- Gross, J. J., & Levenson, R. W. (1997). Emotional suppression: Physiology, self-report, and expressive behavior. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 72(6), 970-985.
- Ryff, C. D., & Singer, B. H. (1998). The contours of positive human health. Psychological Inquiry, 9(1), 1-28.
- Twenge, J. M., et al. (2017). Associations between screen time and lower psychological well-being among children and adolescents: Evidence from a population-based study. Preventive Medicine Reports, 12, 271-283.
